Editor’s note: The following story is true. It was sent to me by a reader who thought it would be cathartic to share her experience here. She wants to help people going through something similar feel less alone. Later this week, I’ll share a longer response piece. I’d also like to post a warning: this piece is gut-wrenching and much heavier than our usual fare.
I fail to see how she didn't see the problems in this relationship earlier. These sorts of behavioral tendencies do not come out of nowhere, and as such I would ask if maybe she went into this expecting some level of dysfunction, but planned to leave as soon as she had her green card secured. The whole thing sounds like an exercise to extract a green card from this man. I don't blame her for leaving, but I question how she got there in the first place if not for the green card. Most women can spot these types from miles away.
initially yeah, but the autistic weeb ended up being a really messed up autistic weeb. It's not good to take advantage of these people, but the truth is he was never getting married otherwise, even temporarily.
As I read the story I'm struck by how the letter writer focusses on her husband's behavior, but says little about her own intentions and motivations. Change yourself and accept others as they are. If you can't accept them, move on.
I asked her to provide some context. Admittedly, I was so struck by the writing style (in a good way) that I didn't think to ask her to provide more insight into her own emotions. Something about her natural style conveyed the paralysis and horror so strongly to me.
Yes, I see the fear. But we don't know whether she's afraid of losing her immigration status, abuse in a previous relationship, or childhood trauma, all of which have little to do with her husband.
Thanks for posting this, I’ve had similar experiences dating in the geek scene. The anime community in particular has a problem of normalizing a lot of weird shit. Much of it is also just a symptom of being chronically online. It’s not healthy.
The reality is that masturbation and pornography use is even worse on a marriage than having an affair, and it unfortunately often comes part and parcel with being online.
The only thing I can think when I read these stories is "How do women end up married to men like this?"
I know many normal men who have a hard time finding women who give them the time of day. How do these absolute freaks end up married? Are there just way more of them than I am assuming, or are women matrix dodging around normal guys only to end up with these?
She wanted a green card and was willing to marry him as the price she needed to pay to stay in the United States. Simple as that. He just ended up being a lot worse than she thought.
I can't help but laugh at how the author (or you?) felt it necessary to define "tsundere" halfway through like it's some exotic foreign word that needs translation. I feel like anyone who's been around long enough on the internet should know that word easily. But maybe that's the point- the author comes across as extremely "normie," running far away from anything related to odd internet-based subcultures, while her husband was totally immersed in that sort of stuff. She even says that she liked "normalcy," which seems to be mean just focusing on work. Although somehow she ended up playing in a band and being the social leader of her work/friend group, so I guess she did like to socialize also. Very extrovert-vs-internet clash of personalities vibe there.
I feel like they could have actually benefited a lot from marriage counseling. They seemed to really struggle with communication. He couldn't say the words himself, so he was either sending her reddit links or quoting verbatim what someone else had said there. She rarely says what she said in response- I get the sense that she didn't say much of anything, but just quietly showed him disgust. Which probably contributed to him getting more into porn and less into "normal" sex with her. It's hard to say, because a lot of these scenes are just her husband doing something weird and then her speculating on what it "really meant" without asking him any further questions.
Does she actually think that her husband is a pedophile? I guess she does, since she reported him to the police, but then that seems to be based mostly just the one photo? It seems more like she just thinks he's a freak, and she's so disgusted by him that she's looking for an excuse to put him in prison.
Anyway, very interesting and heavy piece of writing here. It's hard to say what "really" happened, since I don't know them and also memories can get twisted by the emotions of a bad breakup. But thanks for sharing, I hope they're both doing better after the divorce.
The husband's idea that he could just roll out of bed one day and move to another country—whether Japan or otherwise—is laughable but strangely common. The author ably describes the bureaucratic hurdles She encountered in becoming a naturalized U.S. citizen, but it's much MUCH harder the other way around (with a handful of exceptions for wealthy expats over the age of 55 or so).
Until the Trudeau years, Americans alws used to say—almost as an unthinking reflex—that they would "move to Canada" if things got too politically fraught here. This is especially amusing because it's basically impossible for Americans to move permanently to Canada, unless they somehow have parents or children who already live there or they have a few million dollars just lying around that they're willing to immediately dump into starting a Canadian business that will employ Canadians.
.
"My husband asked me to check out r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns"
what the lol? is this subreddit meant to filter for people who are sufficiently 'into' trans memes that they're actually willing to count out the correct numbers of "a"s and "n"s?
This may not be a creeypasta, but it certainly does read like one, and it is more scary than any I've read. The image of a trainwreck o a person slowly going on a donward spiral and having his life so mediated by the internet he is unable of forming real human connections, all that through the point of view of girl-boss that watch it in a detached and condescending way hearing all these horrible things while thinking at the back of her mind "I just wish you would shut up so these few last months before divorce would pass faster". And of course, the last few lines read like some kind of cruel punch line, as if this person she spent some years of her life is no more than a stranger.
Sure, this is all colored by the one who is writing this, but all this feels frightening close, as if a pattern we may well watch repeat itself in different permutations.
Why is it "girlboss" to have a job in middle management? To me that reads as being gainfully employed? Is any woman who has a job above minimum wage a "girlboss" in your eyes? lol
Good for her. Porn kills love. This man is almost certainly a pedophile. Glad she reported him to the police when it was safe for her to do so. Even the Catholic Church considers pornography addiction one of the few valid reasons for an annulment, and we all know how historically anti divorce they are.
I have no sympathy for grown men that continue down such a destructive path. They are deviants who need treatment. Women and wives are not rehab centers for paraphilic men.
She doesn’t come across as cold to me. She writes like a lot of ESL speakers, and she is most likely still in shock from the abuse she experienced in that marriage, which can be misinterpreted as emotionally blunted.
This story was a nightmare. I’m appalled. I’ve never felt so old, which I guess makes sense since I’ve never been this old before. But holy shit.
My wife is Japanese and got her green card when we were married. Thank God that’s where our similarities end.
I don’t blame the woman in this story at all. What was she supposed to do? Her husband morphed into a narcissistic child. He held all the cards. A waifu pillow! C’mon. He crossed way too many lines.
Follow-up: https://default.blog/p/just-how-damaging-is-hentai
Interesting read. That’s what a snake looking at a rabbit might feel like - if there is a feeling rather than a sequence of dissecting thoughts.
A psychopath “married” - that’s a misuse of a word right there - to a rather disturbed individual.
One can start believing that we are ruled by reptiloids after reading pieces like this. I’m still shuddering. Urgh.
I fail to see how she didn't see the problems in this relationship earlier. These sorts of behavioral tendencies do not come out of nowhere, and as such I would ask if maybe she went into this expecting some level of dysfunction, but planned to leave as soon as she had her green card secured. The whole thing sounds like an exercise to extract a green card from this man. I don't blame her for leaving, but I question how she got there in the first place if not for the green card. Most women can spot these types from miles away.
This just sounds like story of a person abusing an autistic weeaboo for immigration purposes to me.
initially yeah, but the autistic weeb ended up being a really messed up autistic weeb. It's not good to take advantage of these people, but the truth is he was never getting married otherwise, even temporarily.
As I read the story I'm struck by how the letter writer focusses on her husband's behavior, but says little about her own intentions and motivations. Change yourself and accept others as they are. If you can't accept them, move on.
I asked her to provide some context. Admittedly, I was so struck by the writing style (in a good way) that I didn't think to ask her to provide more insight into her own emotions. Something about her natural style conveyed the paralysis and horror so strongly to me.
Yes, I see the fear. But we don't know whether she's afraid of losing her immigration status, abuse in a previous relationship, or childhood trauma, all of which have little to do with her husband.
Thanks for posting this, I’ve had similar experiences dating in the geek scene. The anime community in particular has a problem of normalizing a lot of weird shit. Much of it is also just a symptom of being chronically online. It’s not healthy.
The reality is that masturbation and pornography use is even worse on a marriage than having an affair, and it unfortunately often comes part and parcel with being online.
The only thing I can think when I read these stories is "How do women end up married to men like this?"
I know many normal men who have a hard time finding women who give them the time of day. How do these absolute freaks end up married? Are there just way more of them than I am assuming, or are women matrix dodging around normal guys only to end up with these?
She wanted a green card and was willing to marry him as the price she needed to pay to stay in the United States. Simple as that. He just ended up being a lot worse than she thought.
I can't help but laugh at how the author (or you?) felt it necessary to define "tsundere" halfway through like it's some exotic foreign word that needs translation. I feel like anyone who's been around long enough on the internet should know that word easily. But maybe that's the point- the author comes across as extremely "normie," running far away from anything related to odd internet-based subcultures, while her husband was totally immersed in that sort of stuff. She even says that she liked "normalcy," which seems to be mean just focusing on work. Although somehow she ended up playing in a band and being the social leader of her work/friend group, so I guess she did like to socialize also. Very extrovert-vs-internet clash of personalities vibe there.
I feel like they could have actually benefited a lot from marriage counseling. They seemed to really struggle with communication. He couldn't say the words himself, so he was either sending her reddit links or quoting verbatim what someone else had said there. She rarely says what she said in response- I get the sense that she didn't say much of anything, but just quietly showed him disgust. Which probably contributed to him getting more into porn and less into "normal" sex with her. It's hard to say, because a lot of these scenes are just her husband doing something weird and then her speculating on what it "really meant" without asking him any further questions.
Does she actually think that her husband is a pedophile? I guess she does, since she reported him to the police, but then that seems to be based mostly just the one photo? It seems more like she just thinks he's a freak, and she's so disgusted by him that she's looking for an excuse to put him in prison.
Anyway, very interesting and heavy piece of writing here. It's hard to say what "really" happened, since I don't know them and also memories can get twisted by the emotions of a bad breakup. But thanks for sharing, I hope they're both doing better after the divorce.
The husband's idea that he could just roll out of bed one day and move to another country—whether Japan or otherwise—is laughable but strangely common. The author ably describes the bureaucratic hurdles She encountered in becoming a naturalized U.S. citizen, but it's much MUCH harder the other way around (with a handful of exceptions for wealthy expats over the age of 55 or so).
Until the Trudeau years, Americans alws used to say—almost as an unthinking reflex—that they would "move to Canada" if things got too politically fraught here. This is especially amusing because it's basically impossible for Americans to move permanently to Canada, unless they somehow have parents or children who already live there or they have a few million dollars just lying around that they're willing to immediately dump into starting a Canadian business that will employ Canadians.
.
"My husband asked me to check out r/traaaaaaannnnnnnnnns"
what the lol? is this subreddit meant to filter for people who are sufficiently 'into' trans memes that they're actually willing to count out the correct numbers of "a"s and "n"s?
This may not be a creeypasta, but it certainly does read like one, and it is more scary than any I've read. The image of a trainwreck o a person slowly going on a donward spiral and having his life so mediated by the internet he is unable of forming real human connections, all that through the point of view of girl-boss that watch it in a detached and condescending way hearing all these horrible things while thinking at the back of her mind "I just wish you would shut up so these few last months before divorce would pass faster". And of course, the last few lines read like some kind of cruel punch line, as if this person she spent some years of her life is no more than a stranger.
Sure, this is all colored by the one who is writing this, but all this feels frightening close, as if a pattern we may well watch repeat itself in different permutations.
Why is it "girlboss" to have a job in middle management? To me that reads as being gainfully employed? Is any woman who has a job above minimum wage a "girlboss" in your eyes? lol
haha xD
It's odd to see anyone defending the husband's behavior, which reads as inexcusable regardless of what the wife did or didn't do
I don’t think I see anyone defending the husband’s behavior. Indeed a lot of the people criticizing the wife/author also call the husband nasty names.
People are annoyed at having had their time wasted by reading this.
Yeah I get having compassion for him bigger picture but not in the granular way reflected in the comments
Good for her. Porn kills love. This man is almost certainly a pedophile. Glad she reported him to the police when it was safe for her to do so. Even the Catholic Church considers pornography addiction one of the few valid reasons for an annulment, and we all know how historically anti divorce they are.
I have no sympathy for grown men that continue down such a destructive path. They are deviants who need treatment. Women and wives are not rehab centers for paraphilic men.
She doesn’t come across as cold to me. She writes like a lot of ESL speakers, and she is most likely still in shock from the abuse she experienced in that marriage, which can be misinterpreted as emotionally blunted.
Nailed it. I'm astonished that people are finding a way to blame her.
😰 wew lass! And to think how many more fail son subreddit dwellers are out there without gainful employment or marriage prospects!
sorry but why did she marry the guy in the first place? he appears to have had no redeeming features
I suspect it's related to her desire to immigrate.
Going to go take a shower
This story was a nightmare. I’m appalled. I’ve never felt so old, which I guess makes sense since I’ve never been this old before. But holy shit.
My wife is Japanese and got her green card when we were married. Thank God that’s where our similarities end.
I don’t blame the woman in this story at all. What was she supposed to do? Her husband morphed into a narcissistic child. He held all the cards. A waifu pillow! C’mon. He crossed way too many lines.
"What was she supposed to do?"
Go back to where she came from. She's no victim.