Polyamorous with an Asterisk

case study #16, 2012-2025

You can usually expect a case study to arrive in your mailbox most Thursdays at 6 AM CT. Sometimes they come earlier, sometimes they come a little later. If you have any suggestions about formatting, or would like to participate yourself, leave a comment below.

Subject: Puppet, late 20s

Puppet is a transman in his late 20s who identifies as fictoromantic and discusses his relationship with a fictional character from the webcomic Homestuck. We discuss identity, community, spirituality, and the lived experience of fictosexuality.

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Puppet: I’m an embarrassing age to be self-shipping. I’m in my late 20s.

Katherine: I’m [REDACTED], so it’s okay.

Katherine: So, everyone defines self-shipping a little differently. What is your definition? Do you consider yourself part of the fictoromantic or fictosexual spectrum?

Puppet: All right. I’m thinking of how to describe it. It’s always a little bit weird. There are a lot of different ways to define it. Personally, I would describe myself as fictoromantic.

If somebody outside the community asked me what that meant in good faith, I would say it’s a huge spectrum, starting from people who just kind of like characters a lot and maybe make an original character (OC) to ship with this character. There are different levels to it. Then there’s people who make a self-insert (SI) to ship with a character. The line between OC and self-insert is really blurry. Defining those as separate terms can sometimes be almost... I can’t remember the word I’m thinking of, but it blurs a lot.

Personally, I feel that I have a love for a character that is just as real for me as it would be if I were dating a real flesh-and-blood person. Some people don’t feel that way. They self-ship for fun, which is fine. No judgment there. But for me, I would define it as a real relationship. I’m sorry if I answered that weirdly. I’ve never done an interview.

Katherine: No, that’s okay. That was a great answer. Would you say it’s reciprocal? Some people I’ve spoken to, it’s more devotional. It’s a real love, but there’s an artistic quality to it, almost. Other people reality shift or believe in multiverse theory. I’m sure you’re aware of all this stuff. Which category do you feel you fall under best?

Puppet: Oh man, that’s almost a hard question. Or maybe not. Probably not for everybody.

I’m kind of a spiritual person in general. I like to play in a space that is reciprocal. That somewhere out there exists a timeline, a different universe in which my fictive other (f/o) is consuming media of me and self-shipping with me. The whole multiverse thing, that’s a fun place to play in. Perhaps it’s wishful thinking. But part of me is like, oh, no way. That’s just silly.

This sounds cringe, maybe, and also delusional. But sometimes I feel like I can feel it. I’m not diminishing anything when it comes to people who have religious experiences and things like that. But a lot of people have different belief systems, and they say they can truly feel it. I think that on some spiritual level, whether it’s a connection to my f/o in reality, or some sort of chemical thing within me that makes me feel this way, or whatever, we can’t measure whether these things are real factually. We don’t have technology that can measure this.

But I feel a connection.

Katherine: It reminds me of this Hindu poet, Mirabai, from the 16th century or something. It’s beautiful poetry. My point is, I think about these descriptions throughout history of ecstatic love, and the way people describe it. Then I think about the way people have described their f/os to me. Is it really that different? Is it something that we don’t have the right language to describe, or do we have the right language, but we’re not applying it in this way, for some reason?

Puppet: That’s really interesting to me. I always hesitate to say these things, because I don’t want to be insulting to anybody’s belief systems. But to me, it is almost like a religious experience. It feels similar. I used to be a very devout Pentecostal. I’m from a very religiously intense family. Some of the ways that I feel with my connection to my f/o, it’s almost like communion in a way. But I know that sounds crazy.

Katherine: When did you first realize this about yourself? Do you prefer having an f/o over a physical world partner?

Puppet: Have I always been fictoromantic?

Katherine: Yeah. Or rather, when did you realize that you were?

Puppet: I think I did things in the past, when I was younger, as a child or teenager, that veered into being fictoromantic and fictosexual. I think I’ve always had more of an interest or connection to fictional characters than a lot of other people around me. I started to realize that around 15 or 16 years old, around the time I got into and discovered my current f/o, who I became very interested in at the time. Oh, sorry, what was the second part of the question?

Katherine: If you prefer having an f/o over a physical world partner, or if you have had both.

Puppet: I’ve had physical partners. I currently actually do have a physical world partner as well. The two types of relationships add different things to my life. If something were to happen in my current relationship, like my partner passed on, I would be all right with never again having a relationship in the real world. But if somehow I was no longer interested in my f/o, I truly doubt I could continue the rest of my life without having that again.

Katherine: Do you see yourself as polyamorous? Does your current partner feel threatened at all by your f/o?