I love this. I didn’t know anyone else felt this way.
I don’t know why, but nothing has ever made me feel as happy, as excited, and as accepted as New Age nonsense. And I’ve pretty much spent most of my adult life trying to rekindle anything that might make me feel like I did at 15, discovering Starseeds and the coming 5D Earth.
I imagine it’s how opiate addicts describe chasing the feeling of their first IV hit of heroin. Maybe I’ll never feel that way again. Maybe it was more of a feeling of youth, than a specific belief system.
Either way, I want to believe in bullshit again. So badly. I spend a lot of nights drifting to sleep, listening to my old internet “gurus” speak to me from videos that are 10 years old now. But I can’t shut the rational side of my brain down. I involuntarily laugh at the stuff I used to sincerely believe. Even though it made me happy.
This has inspired me to try to write about my time believing in New Age stuff. Thanks for posting this.
Captivating writing. I won't be the first to suggest it but doing a period of meditation where you learn from someone/a group with expertise and practice 20-30 min everyday for say a month or two will I'd wager give you some taste of the spiritual that is beyond your prior thoughts about what is spiritual. The truth is we all have access within us to some other realm but we might not recognize it as we're conditioned to understand mystical experiences as exotic or only attained by masters.
Mind you, this is coming from a lapsed meditator who has no real spiritual practice going on. Also I give this advice to my spiritual seeking partner and she doesn't seem inclined to follow it. Is meditation more a masculine thing?
I did indeed thoroughly enjoy reading this article. I’ve been getting a lot of repeating numbers this past week. According to Kabbalists the Bible is a spell book and numbers are the key to its secrets.
I recently learned that according to legend, my ancestors the Kings of Scotland claimed direct descent from King David. That is why the flag of Northern Ireland shows a red hand with a Star of David (AI obscures the true story):
“And afterward came out his brother, that had the scarlet thread upon his hand: and his name was called Zarah.”
- Genesis 38:30, the Bible, KJV
The story is that this bloodline fled to northern Ireland with the prophet Jeremiah and eventually became the Kings of Scotland (there was at one time a united kingdom of Northern Ireland and western Scotland called Dalraida).
Here is a link to the British Israelite story, which was widely believed to be true during the reign of Queen Victoria:
There is magic in Christianity but it has been obscured by most Catholic and Protestant practice. Your literary ancestor John Dee was a Protestant mystic who claimed to be able to talk to angels. Mormonism has the most supernatural aspects of any large scale Christian religion today.
It’s spelled “Guan Yin” btw.
I’m not sure what to make of the crystals. Although I have to say palm reading has been popping up on my TikTok feed and has been surprisingly convincing.
The way your group split up makes me think your astrologer friend had a somewhat fragile ego. I still don’t think women running religion ever really works; sooner or later it turns to cannibalism (see: dolphin cult).
In my late 20s I spent about 4 months going daily to Eucharistic adoration before work. I would mediate on my knees every morning for at least 30 minutes sometimes close to an hour. I had a routine, I'd ask for forgiveness, then thankfulness, then petition and finally open hearted silence. It was one of the more mystical experiences I have ever had. Completely alone in the chapel most days. I always left the chapel with a feeling of calm.
I ended up having a locution. My eyes were closed when I heard a clear young male voice in my right ear from about a foot away, I was startled and quickly opened my eyes and looked to my right expecting to see someone standing in the aisle. Nobody was there. It was just one word. The most important word in God's relationship to man. The reason we feel disconnected. It was "Trust". Many things have happened since that I had petitioned for. I have a much greater certainty about God now.
I recommend that practice. You never know what might happen.
I love this piece, have been thinking about out it since I read it yesterday, and it will probably be lingering around for at least a few days
I like that it drips Default lore, which as a Deeist, is always fun for me to read, the details like poetry
I also like that it’s making me contemplate the highs I chase, and what that means for me. I have a habit of getting lost in people, mostly women, even if it’s not sexual. Feist was right (as always) the mirror in another's eyes, that’ll get you every time
I have a brother like this. Completely out there and completely certain about it all. Makes outrageous proclamations constantly and then the next week will say something completely different with no shame or explanation or apology. And has many followers who seem to stick around! Wild stuff.
Love the third paragraph about where strip mall / mass culture mundanity meets the sacred 🙏🏻
Thank you for reading!!! This is a very personal piece to me
Pretty rocks…
An eerily familiar reverie.
Great story. Thank you for sharing
My experiences are more cerebral but there's a lot out here in this world that I don't take literally but I DO take seriously
Same
I love this. I didn’t know anyone else felt this way.
I don’t know why, but nothing has ever made me feel as happy, as excited, and as accepted as New Age nonsense. And I’ve pretty much spent most of my adult life trying to rekindle anything that might make me feel like I did at 15, discovering Starseeds and the coming 5D Earth.
I imagine it’s how opiate addicts describe chasing the feeling of their first IV hit of heroin. Maybe I’ll never feel that way again. Maybe it was more of a feeling of youth, than a specific belief system.
Either way, I want to believe in bullshit again. So badly. I spend a lot of nights drifting to sleep, listening to my old internet “gurus” speak to me from videos that are 10 years old now. But I can’t shut the rational side of my brain down. I involuntarily laugh at the stuff I used to sincerely believe. Even though it made me happy.
This has inspired me to try to write about my time believing in New Age stuff. Thanks for posting this.
You captured it. Would be totally down to talk or do a book club or something
Captivating writing. I won't be the first to suggest it but doing a period of meditation where you learn from someone/a group with expertise and practice 20-30 min everyday for say a month or two will I'd wager give you some taste of the spiritual that is beyond your prior thoughts about what is spiritual. The truth is we all have access within us to some other realm but we might not recognize it as we're conditioned to understand mystical experiences as exotic or only attained by masters.
Mind you, this is coming from a lapsed meditator who has no real spiritual practice going on. Also I give this advice to my spiritual seeking partner and she doesn't seem inclined to follow it. Is meditation more a masculine thing?
Edit: masculine, not mascara..!
I did indeed thoroughly enjoy reading this article. I’ve been getting a lot of repeating numbers this past week. According to Kabbalists the Bible is a spell book and numbers are the key to its secrets.
I recently learned that according to legend, my ancestors the Kings of Scotland claimed direct descent from King David. That is why the flag of Northern Ireland shows a red hand with a Star of David (AI obscures the true story):
“And afterward came out his brother, that had the scarlet thread upon his hand: and his name was called Zarah.”
- Genesis 38:30, the Bible, KJV
The story is that this bloodline fled to northern Ireland with the prophet Jeremiah and eventually became the Kings of Scotland (there was at one time a united kingdom of Northern Ireland and western Scotland called Dalraida).
Here is a link to the British Israelite story, which was widely believed to be true during the reign of Queen Victoria:
https://www.ucg.ca/booklets/throne-britain-its-biblical-origin-and-future/tea-tephi-or-scota
There is magic in Christianity but it has been obscured by most Catholic and Protestant practice. Your literary ancestor John Dee was a Protestant mystic who claimed to be able to talk to angels. Mormonism has the most supernatural aspects of any large scale Christian religion today.
It’s spelled “Guan Yin” btw.
I’m not sure what to make of the crystals. Although I have to say palm reading has been popping up on my TikTok feed and has been surprisingly convincing.
The way your group split up makes me think your astrologer friend had a somewhat fragile ego. I still don’t think women running religion ever really works; sooner or later it turns to cannibalism (see: dolphin cult).
Investigate Catholicism. Christianity hasn't always been disenchanted.
It just isn’t for me
In my late 20s I spent about 4 months going daily to Eucharistic adoration before work. I would mediate on my knees every morning for at least 30 minutes sometimes close to an hour. I had a routine, I'd ask for forgiveness, then thankfulness, then petition and finally open hearted silence. It was one of the more mystical experiences I have ever had. Completely alone in the chapel most days. I always left the chapel with a feeling of calm.
I ended up having a locution. My eyes were closed when I heard a clear young male voice in my right ear from about a foot away, I was startled and quickly opened my eyes and looked to my right expecting to see someone standing in the aisle. Nobody was there. It was just one word. The most important word in God's relationship to man. The reason we feel disconnected. It was "Trust". Many things have happened since that I had petitioned for. I have a much greater certainty about God now.
I recommend that practice. You never know what might happen.
Bullshit matters
I love this piece, have been thinking about out it since I read it yesterday, and it will probably be lingering around for at least a few days
I like that it drips Default lore, which as a Deeist, is always fun for me to read, the details like poetry
I also like that it’s making me contemplate the highs I chase, and what that means for me. I have a habit of getting lost in people, mostly women, even if it’s not sexual. Feist was right (as always) the mirror in another's eyes, that’ll get you every time
What a beautiful lyric. Thank you for the kind words.
I have a brother like this. Completely out there and completely certain about it all. Makes outrageous proclamations constantly and then the next week will say something completely different with no shame or explanation or apology. And has many followers who seem to stick around! Wild stuff.
Maybe they get something out of it
Hey Kat, I liked this one a lot! I think I prefer your messy, vulnerable side, and the way you capture people and scenes with a few brushstrokes.
Thank you