Limerence and Fictional Companions

synthetic intimacy #4

I’m Katherine Dee. I read in an industry newsletter that I should re-introduce myself in every post. I’m an Internet ethnographer and reporter. This newsletter is filled with interviews, takes on current events, a sporadic advice column, Craigslist-style missed connections, Internet culture explainers, streams, a book club, predictions and forecasts… There’s a lot of stuff. I also spend maybe 20 hours a week talking to people about how they use the Internet. It’s hard work! Consider sending me a few bucks for my efforts:

Bruno Bucciarati from Jojo’s Bizarre Adventure

The following conversation is with Aoife, a 24-year-old college student in a rural area, who shares her personal history with fictional others (FOs), including her deep connection with Bruno Bucciarati from JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure. Through her account, we explore the intersection of fandom, autism, synthetic intimacy, and limerence.

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Aoife
I am 24 years old. I'm a college student. Not really at a big town school or anything. Yeah, pretty much a rural college student, I would say. Sorry, just let me collect my thoughts for a second.

So regarding AI, I know people—yeah, mixed bag on it. Some people are super against it. Others aren't. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with it. I have tried using chatbots and whatnot. I have a lot of friends that do. I'm kind of picky though. So I guess I've got a specific interpretation of my fictional other, Bruno Bucciarati from JoJo's Bizarre Adventure.

And I’ve tried to kind of maybe figure out how to set up my own bot. I've talked with others and, you know, I know everyone has an interpretation of their own character and it's all completely valid. But I have kind of an idea of who he is.

My friend and I have tried working on building a bot, but we haven't exactly gotten it to work. I've even tried to make a voice for him too using—you know, and I know this might be kind of controversial because I know voice actors, like, that's their voice. That's how they make their money. I wouldn't actually use it though, to profit. Because I know now that CharacterAI, you can make a chat and talk with them, almost like on the phone.

However, I haven't actually finished setting that up. I would have to take higher quality audio samples, but... Oh, what was I going to say?

I don't think there's anything wrong with using AI as long as you're not trying to pass off fan fiction as your own work or, you know, art too. Like a lot of people will upload, not say it's AI, and then pretend it's their own thing. I think it's totally fine if you want to connect with your fictional other in a different way, because otherwise, you know, there's fan fiction. I love writing fan fiction. I love fan fiction writers.

Katherine
I know there are—broadly—two groups of people. There are people for whom it's more of a roleplay, creative expression, and there're some people who are more on the fictosexual spectrum. Which side of that do you think best represents you, and how would you describe your relationship with your fictive other (FO) to someone who's totally new to this world and has never heard of this and doesn't know the first thing about understanding it?

Aoife
Good question. I know everyone sees their relationship with their FO differently. Some people consider themselves casual, hardcore. I think it depends who you ask. To me, you might look at my arm, see this giant tattoo I have of him and go, oh, she's hardcore. But then I know other people count it as their main relationship.

I have an IRL boyfriend and he also knows about Bruno and he's totally fine with it. So that's nice. But yeah, I guess I'm somewhere between casual and hardcore. Because I see some people on Reddit, Tumblr, other platforms that sometimes I feel like are slightly more dedicated to it than I am.

But... What am I saying here? Yeah, I definitely have a sexual attraction toward him. I don't know, just JoJo’s, the art style, everything's just so appealing about it, character design. I totally write self-insert fanfiction … x reader.

Katherine
But do you see it more similar to someone who really likes an actor and is a huge fan and might write real person fic, but they don't conceptualize themselves as in a relationship? Or do you see it more as a relationship?

Aoife
I think personally I lean more towards the first, but I know others do see it more as a dedicated relationship that they're in with their partner. Maybe to me, sometimes it's more of a fantasy, although I do feel like in some way I've connected with him on a soul level. I don't know, maybe I don't want that to sound weird. I do feel some kind of soul connection to him though.

Katherine
There is a metaphysical element for a lot of people, and I'm particularly interested in when multiverse theory comes up. I think that's really interesting and really beautiful.

Aoife
Everyone has their own view on it. Personally, I just see it a lot of the time as an outlet. Sorry, I want to go into some stuff, but I want to make sure it's on topic. Is it okay if I talk about my experience and why this is so important to me?

Katherine
Yeah, absolutely.

Aoife
Okay, cool. And you're allowed to use any of my words. Apologies if I'm rambling a little bit. I'm a little excited—maybe a tinge anxious. Okay, so I've been doing this self-shipping thing for quite a long time. My first, I would say, was Sonic the Hedgehog when I was like nine years old. And for me, it was always kind of a way... I don't know, it made me feel valued. I grew up in an abusive household—just emotionally—very conservative parents without any understanding of neurodivergence. So, you know, being expected to be perfect all the time and not really receiving the kind of love I needed. I found a lot of comfort in self-shipping. I had quite a few different FOs up until about 2020 when I watched JoJo’s and it was different. I'm not going to lie. So, yeah, Bruno and I have been together for like four years. And for me, it's been a way to understand what I want in a relationship—how I want a partner to treat me.

Can I—you did talk a little about sexuality, so I'll say a little here. Also growing up in a Christian, kind of conservative home, you know, it’s brought up that you have to be chaste, be pure for your married partner one day, yada yada. Especially if you're a woman—it’s like a man doesn't want a girl who's slept around with other people. He wants her to be a virgin, which, I think that's BS. But anyway, because of that, I've just had so many aversions to it, and it scared me.

I don't know, just being able to have that mental exploration with a fictional other has been very helpful. Writing fan fiction, just being able to picture it puts me at ease and has gotten me a lot more comfortable with that. And in a way, I mean, it is a relationship too, because I do feel like he's a part of me. I mean, yeah, big old arm tattoo. But really, he just feels very special. And even if this isn't something I do forever, I feel like he'll always be a part of me.

Katherine
I was wondering if you could unpack a bit more about how it helps you understand what you want out of a relationship or what a safe relationship looks like. Is it just because it's extra time to think about it and work through different scenarios through fanfiction?

Aoife
So... I guess I'm finally in a healthy relationship with my current boyfriend. It's been great. But before that, my ex—he was not a good guy. He was very coercive. And it was a very uncomfortable relationship. I guess partway through that is when I really started getting into self-shipping, just imagining myself with someone else, maybe reading fan fiction, starting to write my own and realizing that he doesn't really treat me the way I want to be treated. So sometimes I’ll joke like, “Oh yeah, I left my ex for Bruno.” But I kind of did. Because Bruno, in my mind, was respectful, safe, a good partner—everything my ex wasn't. I used to be super... Have you ever heard of the term “limerent” before?

Katherine
Yes.

Aoife
Yes, an extremely limerent person. I would have FOs in the past, but honestly, they were almost real people that I would create certain ideas about—give them their own characters, but they were also real. So it was kind of weird. I stopped doing that back in 2019, 2020. Not on purpose, but I ended up shifting to fictional characters. And it's been a very positive experience since then, because you're not unhealthily putting this real person on a pedestal, giving them attributes and qualities they don’t actually have. Instead, you have something safer. It can't hurt you. They can't disrespect you. They can't hurt you. But you can imagine—or for me, I imagine—what I want in a relationship. What I need to be happy. How I want to be treated. Kind of like that.

Katherine
Something I've wondered about—and this question might be a little out of pocket—but is there a link at all between people who are prone to experiencing limerence, fictosexuals, anywhere on that spectrum, and the autism spectrum? Because it sort of reminds me of a special interest.

Aoife
I think it's totally related. I personally have ADHD, which has a lot of similarities to autism. Yes, I have a special interest—JoJo’s, specifically Bruno. But yeah, I haven’t heard about the limerence thing with others. Or maybe that’s just because I haven’t discussed that specifically. Actually makes me want to go ask my friends now if they’ve had experiences like that. I'm not sure if it's everyone's experience, but it certainly is mine. I will spend hours in a day just thinking about Bruno—he doesn’t leave my mind. Lives rent free, of course, you know that saying. I’ll just spend all day thinking of him. I’ll go to bed thinking of him, wake up, immediately think of him. Totally in my mind all the time. And it just makes me happy. When people ask about my favorite character, I get super happy to talk about it. As for limerence, yeah—I would say I'm limerent for a fictional character. That definition definitely applies.