🔒 The incel question.

I try not to talk about incels.

UNSPECIFIED - CIRCA 1800: Lautrec painting Berthe La Sourde 1890 Henri Marie Raymond de Toulouse-Lautrec Monfa 1864-1901 French painter printmaker draftsman and illustrator From a photograph by Joyant from the book Toulouse Lautrec by Gerstle Mack published 1938 (Photo by Universal History Archive/Getty Images)

I get a lot of questions about incels, incel-adjacent topics, and incel culture. I’ve always been hesitant to answer them.

One thing I’ve never wanted to do is market myself as some kind of “incel whisperer” or “the woman who gets incels” or anything of the sort.

Even the best read or most well-meaning women typically do an awful job with these topics, not because women “live life on tutorial mode,” but rather, it’s an incredibly difficult topic to empathize with.

It requires stepping into some else’s shoes and being able to understand the seismic changes that the dating landscape underwent, likely in your adult life. I don’t believe incels could have existed in the same way during my adolescence or early adulthood, and that colors my perspective. I grew up and was an adult in a fundamentally different world. That there’s been that much change in such a short period of time isn’t only incredible, it’s hard to adapt to. This creates a lot of good faith bad advice.

I’d also like to add that at the end of the day, I also fully believe that this isn’t my lane in the same way cryptocurrency isn’t my lane. Sure, I’m interested in it and could probably say a handful of intelligent things on the topic. But would you invite me on your podcast to talk about it? Would you have me report on it? I’m just not the best person for the job.

If you’re curious about what incels believe, there are dozens of incel writers and thinkers out there. Some are, of course, more sympathetic than others, but I’d really like to emphasize that I am no expert in this.

Take everything that I say below with a grain of salt.

How much of incel theory (lookism) do you believe and how much of red pill (hypergamy) do you believe?

You've answered “what do incels get right.” What do incels get wrong?